


Sigh

by Arleene_Haden



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Mention of Hatsune Miku, Not Beta Read, One Shot, Rin & Len's parents, Songfic, remastered fanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:08:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27106990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arleene_Haden/pseuds/Arleene_Haden
Summary: "Geez, what did I tell you about sighing, smile, Rin, SMILE” Miku’s fingers reached the corners of my lips and pushed them up, forcing me to do a very awkward and slightly painful smile.“I-I know, okay! I’m sorry!” my voice came out louder than I expected, I could feel everyone’s eyes on me.I grabbed my back and left the classroom running. My eyes stung. Tears threatened to come out. Why do I want to cry?This is a remastered version of an old fic based on the song Sigh by iroha(sasaki) that I wrote in 2014. I'm sorry if it gets too sad.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	Sigh

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Today I bring you a fanfic that I wrote in 2014. It was originally written in Spanish, and it was really cringy, so I decided to translate it and remaster it. This fic is based on the song Sigh by iroha(sasaki). I hope you enjoy it.

I listened to the teacher talk about some topic that I couldn’t care less about. I was supposed to be taking notes, but all I managed to do was some doodles here and there. Had it been another time, I’d be stressing about my lack of attention in class, but now, I could always ask someone else to pass me their notes.

It was always the same. Classes passed so quickly yet so slowly, like a lot of things recently. I had given up on paying attention to the lessons a long time ago. No matter how hard I tried, I always ended up getting lost in my thoughts. And in the brief moments I actually managed to pay attention, I realized it was useless as I’d most likely forget most of what was being explained after school ended.

The bell rang signaling the end of the school day, snapping me out of my thoughts. Finally. I closed my eyes and sighed out of relief. Needless to say, I didn’t like going to school at all.

However, I remember there used to be a time when I actually enjoyed going to school. Now, as soon as I stepped a foot inside the building, I just wanted to go back home. At least no one bothered me there.

I saw Miku and Neru walk towards me. I guess we could be considered friends, but I had become a bit distant towards them. I could hear them talking loudly, as always. They were making plans to hang out at the mall. I hoped that they didn’t ask me to join them.

I didn’t feel like dealing with them that evening, I just wanted to spend the rest of the day by myself. Miku and Neru could be intense with their emotions, I didn’t think I could keep up with them, I didn’t have the energy to do so.

Sooner than expected, both girls were standing in front of me. Miku was smiling widely at me while Neru was focused on her phone, most likely letting her parents know she’d be home late.

“Rin, do you want to go to the mall with us?” Miku asked cheerily, I couldn’t understand how she could be so happy all the time. It must be tiring.

Both girls looked expectantly at me at my lack of answer. Right, they wanted me to hang out with them. I tried my best to suppress a groan. Of course they were going to ask me, why wouldn’t they?

For some reason they had made it their mission to get me to spend time with them. Maybe they just wanted things to go back to normal. At times, part of me wanted to be their friend again, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. It’d be weird if I started acting all friendly out of nowhere. Then again, maybe they would be happy to have their friend back.

I intertwined my fingers and rested my nose on top of them, an inaudible sigh escaping from my lips. I wish things were simpler.

Neru must have thought that I was considering their offer as she looked at me for a second before speaking.

“We’ll have lunch there, and we can give you a ride home when we’re all done.” I could hear the indifference in her tone, her attention was back on her phone. I sometimes wondered what she did on it all the time. I had always thought she played games, given how focused she looked, but I didn’t know for sure as I never asked.

“I’m busy today, sorry, maybe another time?” I avoided their gaze and sighed again, the gentle breeze slightly warming up my hands. I hurriedly started to put the stuff on my desk inside my bag, trying to escape the situation as quickly as possible.

I hoped they didn’t take my offer seriously, I only said it to not seem rude. I didn’t know why they still bothered to ask me to hang out with them, my answer was always no. Maybe they had hope that one day I’d agree.

There was a time when I used to accept their offer often, as long as I didn’t have anything planned. I used to be so busy back then. I barely had anything to do nowadays. Not that I wanted to do anything anyways.

“You always say that, Rin!” Miku whined, I sighed and rolled my eyes, mentally preparing myself for the scolding that was coming. “It wouldn’t hurt you to say yes every once in a while, and what did I tell you about sighing?” Miku covered her eyes with her hands exasperated, “Smile, Rin, smile!” Miku’s fingers reached the corners of my lips and pushed them up, forcing me to do a very awkward and slightly painful smile. 

I swatted her hands away from my face. I hated when she did that, and she knew it.

“I-I know, okay! I’m sorry!” my voice came out louder than I expected. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me. Talk about embarrassing.

I hastily grabbed my bag and left the classroom running, trying to ignore my classmates’ whispers. My eyes stung, tears threatening to come out. Why did I want to cry? Why did I feel like this?

It’s not like I wanted to be like this. It’s not that I liked sighing. I knew there was no use in doing it. I knew that I was just wasting my breath, yet I couldn’t bring myself to stop. I hated the attention it drew to me, people always asked me if I was cold. I just wanted to be normal again, to stop sighing, to be happy.

I ran for as long as I could, not looking where I was going. I felt my legs burn, as well as my lungs. For a second, I considered starting to work out. I stopped running to catch my breath, and found myself at the park I used to go to when I was younger.

The park was rather small, but managed to perfectly fit a slide, some swings, a seesaw, and some monkey bars. I remember that I used to come often to play with someone, someone close to me, someone who made me happy. When was the last time I felt that way?

I didn’t care about anything lately. Everything had become gray, lonely, boring. I hated the routine I’d been following. When did I become so apathetic?

There used to be a time when I enjoyed the little things in life: going to school, singing, composing songs, listening to music. Even looking at a musical instrument was so painful these days. Most things made me feel a lump in my throat. They made me want to cry. I couldn’t understand why. I wished I knew why I had become like this, yet I didn’t want to remember. What exactly?

I instinctively placed my hands in front of my mouth, just in time for them to catch the sigh that escaped my lips. How I wished there was someone to hug me and tell me that everything would be alright, just like a certain person did when I had a bad day. Who was it?

I looked at the slide in front of me. It was worn out, but its yellow color was as bright as I remembered. Tears rolled down my cheeks. It was so frustrating not knowing why sometimes the simplest things made me upset.

I quickly wiped my tears with the sleeves of my jacket and decided to head back home. I didn’t want anyone else to see me cry, I had embarrassed myself enough for the day.

I crossed the street, not bothering to look at the traffic light or check both sides of the road as it wasn’t a busy one.

I was in the middle of the road when I saw something approaching me from the corner of my eye. I heard someone yell. Why? Was it at me? What’s that screeching?

I turned to the right and saw a car, just a couple of meters away, coming my way.

For a split second I made eye contact with the driver, she looked as terrified as I felt. I heard someone scream, and for some reason my throat hurt. Was I the one who was screaming?

Everything went black.

I jerked awake almost instantly, as if I had woken up from a nightmare. Weirdly enough, I wasn’t in pain. It looked like I had come out unscathed. I looked at my surroundings expecting to still be in the middle of the road, only to find myself in a room of sorts. Everything was pitch black, except where I was sitting. It was as if a spotlight was shining on me. Where was I? Was I dead?

Suddenly, a boy appeared in front of me, a spotlight was shining on him as well. He looked almost my age, but something in me told me he was younger. His hair was blond and loosely tied into a tiny ponytail. His blue eyes looked kindly at me.

This was no ordinary boy. No, boys didn’t have white wings adorning their backs. He was an angel, one that looked just like a slightly younger version of me.

“Hello Rin, I didn’t think I’d see you again so soon.” The angel’s voice was soft and reassuring, familiar too. Had I heard his voice before?

“Uh, Hi.” I forced myself to answer. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Apparently, even dead I couldn’t avoid social interaction. Talk about annoying.

I covered my mouth with my hands and sighed.

“Are you mad?” The angel sounded worried and slightly upset, I couldn’t bear looking at his hurt expression. I shook my head. “Then, why did you sigh so… so… like that?” He struggled trying to find the right words. He seemed frustrated but did his best to keep himself calm. I felt I had gone through this before.

“I-I don’t know, I guess it’s become a habit of mine.” Why does everyone want to know the reason behind my sighs? It was annoying, more so because I didn’t know the answer either. Wait, “You know my name? How? Do we know each other?” I was so confused. Deep down I felt that I knew the angel, but that couldn’t be true, could it? 

The angel’s eyes widened in panic, realizing his mistake.

“Let’s just not worry about that now, okay?” he smiled nervously while fiddling with his hands, “Oh, right, the floor can’t be that comfortable.” The angel offered me a hand so I could get up, it was then when I noticed his wings were gone. Now he was just a boy, one that looked like someone I knew.

I couldn’t understand why my memories had become blurry, it was so frustrating.

I should have been uneasy, yet he looked so familiar, and his hand felt so comforting in mine, so warm. I felt as if I had held his hand before. Had I? Why did I have so much trouble remembering things? I let out a sigh.

“Follow me, I want to show you something.” the angel said excitedly and dragged me along.

All of a sudden, the dark room turned into a meadow. I looked around and saw all kinds of flowers blooming, most of them were yellow, my favorite color. The sky was clear, not a cloud in sight, yet a rainbow appeared. It was all so colorful, so bright, so…

“So pretty, right?” The angel took the words right off my mouth. Did angels read minds? Although he asked me something, he didn’t wait for an answer, “Here, let me put it on your head.” He was holding a flower crown with his free hand.

The angel looked so sweetly at me, I couldn’t tell him no. I nodded and he happily placed the flower crown on my head carefully. It took him a few tries before he deemed it perfect.

“Hey, let’s go play!” The angel took my hand and started running, dragging me along once again. Normally, I would’ve been mad, but the angel’s happiness was starting to rub on me.

We ran for a while. In the distance, a park appeared, one that oddly enough looked identical to the one I was at earlier. 

The angel and I spent what felt like a couple of hours playing around. We took turns pushing each other on the swings, slid down the big yellow slide together, and even played catch. It had been so long since I had last had so much fun. Still, I wasn’t able to smile or laugh. Why couldn’t I?

I had forgotten how the happiness for the trivial things in life felt like. I had forgotten what the soreness of my cheeks after smiling for a long while felt like. I had forgotten when the last time I smiled was. I had forgotten when I started sighing instead.

I must've been making a face, as the angel stood in front of me and grabbed both of my hands to get my attention.

“Would you like to make a deal?” He said softly, nervously even. It had never crossed my mind that angels could feel like that.

“A deal?” The angel must have noticed my confusion as he promptly replied.

“Yeah, a deal!” he chuckled “Let me exchange your sighs for smiles.” His tone was serious now, yet he was smiling widely. 

“Is that even possible?” No offense, but the angel’s idea sounded so dumb and downright childish. The angel nodded with an incredulous look on his face, as if said deal was common knowledge, “Well, I don’t think it is, but if you can actually do it, then, please.” I let out a sigh without even thinking about it. As soon as I did, I felt a weight being lifted off my shoulders. I felt at ease and smiled.

The angel and I went back to playing at the park. As each second passed, I smiled more and more, but with every smile a feeling that I couldn’t put a finger on appeared.

Every time I looked at the angel, I could hear the familiar voice of a boy -more like teen- in my head. Whose voice is that? 

With every second that I spent close to the angel I saw quick flashes of long forgotten memories. Memories with the angel. Had I met him before? Where from? Something inside me told me that he was someone important in my life, but if that was the case, why did I forget about him? What happened? Why couldn’t I remember?

Everything suddenly disappeared.

I was alone in a dark room, a spotlight shining on me, once again. Then, another spotlight lit a hospital room in front of me. It looked like a TV set. I walked towards it and took in the scene.

A boy that looked like the angel was on the hospital’s bed, he didn’t look a day older than 14. He looked so pale. A myriad of machines surrounded him. My heart wrenched at the sight. It was too familiar. 

A sob snapped me out of my thoughts. A girl was crying her heart out while grabbing one of the boy’s hands on her own, quietly begging him to wake up, already knowing that it wouldn’t happen. I started crying.

That girl was me, around a year ago. My memories came flooding back.

It had been a normal day, my twin brother and I were walking home from our piano lessons. As we were crossing the street, a car appeared out of nowhere. It would’ve hit me full-force had my brother not pushed me. 

I woke up in a cold hospital room with a doctor telling me how lucky I had been for not being so injured. Sadly, the same couldn’t be said for my brother, who was currently being kept alive by a handful of machines. He wasn’t going to wake up.

My dad told me to not feel guilty, that sometimes unfortunate accidents happened, and there was nothing we could’ve done to prevent it. He took me to my brother’s room so I could say my farewells to him.

I sat next to my brother’s bed for what felt like hours, holding his hand while crying, not daring to say anything.

His hands were unusually cold. He despised being cold, to the extent of always carrying a pair of gloves with him.

In a desperate attempt to feel his warmth once again and not wanting him to feel uncomfortable, just in case he still had the slightest bit of consciousness, I brought his hands close to my mouth to warm them up with my breath, as if I was sighing.

I stayed with him until the very end, until his heart stopped beating.

I didn’t want to let go of his hands. I didn’t want to lose another important person in my life, not again, not so soon. My dad tried to get me to calm down, but it was useless.

I blacked out.

“So… you remembered.” The angel’s voice brought me back to reality.

I wanted to say something, anything, but all that came out was a broken cry. I fell on my knees while tears kept rolling down my cheeks. It all made sense now. I remembered how much he meant to me. I remembered why sighing had become a second nature. I remembered why doing the simplest of things had become so painful. It all made me remember him.

Without a warning, the angel engulfed me in an embrace, his cheek on the top of my head. It was the warmest hug someone had ever given me. 

“Thank you for trying to keep me warm and being with me until the very end.” he whispered in my ear. I couldn’t look him in the face but I was sure that he was crying too, “It made me very happy, but I couldn’t stand leaving you like that.” the angel tightened his grip. “I hope you can forgive me.”

I turned to face him. The angel looked at me and wiped the tears from my eyes, a sad smile on his face. I hugged him tightly, making up for all the time he had been gone, fearing that he would disappear at any moment.

“I’m really sorry for taking so long, Rin.” He smiled warmly at me, it made me want to smile too. But I just kept crying. Is this real? Please let it be real.

The angel kissed my forehead and wiped my tears once again. I took in his appearance. I didn’t want to forget him. I wanted to keep my memories with me, as bad and sad as they were.

“Rin, I’m sorry, but I have to go, and you do too, dad is waiting for you, he must be worried, you know how he is.” His smile faltered for a split second, “I promise I’ll look out for you, I’ll be by your side, always.” He caressed my cheek and pulled me into the hug, neither of us wanted to let go.

We stayed like that for a couple of minutes. The angel broke the hug all too soon and stood up in front of me, a big smile on his face. How much had I missed him.

“No more sighing, okay?” The angel looked at me, cocking his head slightly to the right, “Please be happy for the both of us.” He gave me one last smile. I couldn’t do much but to return it, giving him the sincerest smile I had given in a long, long time.

“I-I will, Len.” I managed to say before he vanished.

I was still crying, and despite knowing that I wouldn’t see him again, I didn’t feel sad at all. I felt at ease, happy even.

Everything went black.

I woke up in a hospital bed, my dad was next to me, holding my hand. I almost laughed bitterly at the irony.

“What happened?” I asked softly, I felt so tired.

“You were crossing the street and a car almost ran you over, thankfully the driver stopped in time but you passed out.” My dad’s voice was shaking, but I couldn’t blame him, I was sure he didn’t want to lose me in the same way we both had lost my brother. “The doctor said that it was most likely from the shock, still, they wanted to keep you here until you woke up to make sure you were okay.” He was looking at his lap. I could see he was trying his best not to cry.

“I’m okay.” I repeated, getting my dad’s attention.

He hugged me tightly, and I returned the action. I heard my dad sniffling softly, finally allowing himself to cry. I shouldn’t have been so careless and apathetic. He needed me too, we only had each other now.

This wasn’t the time to feel bad about my actions, or lack of them. No, what was important was that I wasn’t going to keep bringing myself down for no reason. Or at the very least, I would try my best not to do so. Maybe there’ll be times where I’ll sigh again, but it’ll be okay. I had to keep trying to be happy, for me, for my dad, and for Len.

My dad and I spent some time hugging each other until we both calmed down. I hadn’t noticed when I had started crying. After pulling apart, I could see that my dad’s eyes were puffy. He looked tired, yet relieved. It was then when I remembered what Len had told me before disappearing. No, he didn’t disappear, he was here with me, with us.

“Dad, I’m okay.” For the first time in almost a year, I smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel I deviated a bit from the song but I liked how it turned out. Hope you enjoyed it too. Comments and kudos are always appreciated! Read you soon!


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